these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I understand Curling. That high.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
