A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
