My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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