if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
