I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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