I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
