I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
