nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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