Cold hands, warm shart.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
