The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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