2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
