i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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