Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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