I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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