In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
