at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
wow bdsm is so cute
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