I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
