The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
