Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
