so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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