i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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