the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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