I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
