The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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