There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
