Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
