my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
