I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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