Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
