my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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