were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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