guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
