woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
