In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
