so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
