Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
