I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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