I'm sorry my penis didn't work
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
