I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
