He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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