i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
