Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
