either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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