cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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