So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
