just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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