Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
