If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
