know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize