We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
