Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
